


Jumbo and Burnzie

by MeansToOffend (goodmorning)



Series: 31 in 31: NHL Fairy Tales [12]
Category: Hockey RPF
Genre: Fairy Tale Retellings, Gen, San Jose Sharks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-19
Updated: 2017-09-19
Packaged: 2018-12-31 10:50:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 592
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12130842
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/goodmorning/pseuds/MeansToOffend
Summary: “'Jumbo and Burnzie, let down your beards!'”





	Jumbo and Burnzie

Once upon a time there lived a GM who had built his kingdom’s hockey team fairly and well. The players were all hale and hearty and kind to boot, always ready, willing, and able to play and win games. There was, in fact, but one problem: they ate a lot.

This would not have been a problem, for San Jose was not a kingdom so poor it couldn’t afford to feed a hockey team, except for that one day the team laid eyes on a field of the most beautiful eggplants, and had to have them. Though he knew it was a bad idea, their GM could not deny them, figuring the kingdom could just reimburse whoever the field belonged to.

Unfortunately, the field belonged to a sorcerer, whose anger would not be assuaged by money. With anger creasing his already wrinkled face further, he appeared in the air above the players with the sound of a thunderclap.

“How dare you,” he said, with a frightful scowl, “come into my field and steal my eggplants?”

“Ah, powerful sorcerer,” the GM replied, “we are but a humble hockey team, and are happy to pay for what we’ve eaten.”

“The only pay I want is these two,” the sorcerer said, pointing to the team’s two beardiest members, and, so saying, he grabbed them and departed.

After a long moment of stunned silence, the captain spoke. “Well, I guess we’d better go find them. We can’t do much without Jumbo and Burnzie, after all.”

So it was that the hockey team searched far and wide for any trace of their two missing players, splitting up so as to cover the most ground possible in the shortest span of time. They searched mountains and valleys, rivers and caves, but none of them saw any trace of a beard.

At last, however, when they had all but given up hope, a duo of forwards stumbled across a tower in a glen in the middle of the forest. It was of smooth, pale stone, with neither door nor stairs, and only one solitary window at the top. But through that window they could clearly see their two missing teammates.

Just then the sorcerer strode into the clearing, calling, “Jumbo and Burnzie, let down your beards!” They did so, grumbling the whole time about the sorcerer’s refusal to fly, and let him down again a few minutes later. When he had gone and it was safe to come out of hiding, Cooch and Hertl did so. When they called up the same phrase as the sorcerer had to the tower, though, their reception was slightly different.

“Did you bring a ladder?” Burnzie asked.

“No,” Cooch called back, “we didn’t know we’d need one.”

“Then go get one, and don’t come back until you do,” Jumbo said, pulling the shutters closed.

When they returned with the ladder and the entire team besides, they were pleased to find that Jumbo and Burnzie were still in the tower. When they got the ladder set up, having sent Sorensen up the beards with it on his back, they were even more amused to find that the tower somehow contained a hockey rink.

“I guess even sorcerers know fun must be always,” Hertl said, eyes sparkling, and the whole team laughed.

Then they all climbed down, leading each other back to their own rink in their own kingdom, where they were received with great joy, and where they lived long, contentedly and happily.

And nobody ever knew or cared what became of the sorcerer.

**Author's Note:**

> \- I was kind of curious to see what would happen if I turned a romantic story into a platonic one.  
> \- Never not going to be obsessed with their weird beardage.  
> \- _Fun must be always._


End file.
